Expansion

Expansionist Theory of Mere

The following article was submitted by Gregg “Cabe” Bond, the creator of the Expansionist Theorem of Mere.

An Introduction to Mere

What is Mere? Mere is an expression of how much time there is left until an event of note. In my world, these are usually LAN parties, these are universally great. Thusly a suitable method of expressing Mere must be reached, lest it tear the fabric of our community asunder. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you The Expansionist Theorem of Mere. Hereafter know as ETM.

Second verse, same as the first.

We of the English language speaking persuasion know and love plurals, (see what I did there?) As a rule we can use them in our daily lives, with out much confusion. If for instance I have more than one Banana I have two (or more) Bananas there isn’t much to go wrong there now is there? Or is there controversy contained within these sweet yellow boomerangs?

Now we start getting into the meat of the issue, what if I were to eat one of my bananas? I would only have one left! Only one banana! But what if I restrained myself and only ate half, how many would I have left, well its less than two bananas isn’t it? So a plural cannot be used. The problem now is how do I express this in language? One and a half bananas whilst being pleasing to the ears (and tummy J) is a grammatical anomaly.

Another way to express a banana is a function of how many bites it takes to eat. I have 6 bites of a banana which (for most of us) equates to one banana. So my one and a half bananas becomes I have 9 bites of banana. Grammatically more correct, I’ll think you’ll agree.

Third verse, its getting worse.

So how does this apply to mere you ask? Well dear reader, read on. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel. Let us start the dissection of ETM.

Lets assume we have 2 months left until the next lan party, and it’s currently exactly 8 weeks until the lan (average a month as 4 weeks) and you go to sleep (you have to some time, its scientific fact). Its now 1 month 3 weeks, and 6 days until the lan. That’s less than 2 months, and as such we cannot say Mere Months.

It is now according to ETM Mere Weeks. A few more nights go past and we find us with only 2 weeks left until the LAN. Where’s all the time gone? Do I have a Lift? But I am digressing here a little. You sleep for a further night, its now 1 week and 6 days left. Mere Days is now invoked.

As you can see, this system can have infinite granularity.

<2 Decades – Mere Years <2 Years – Mere Months <2 Months – Mere Weeks <2 Weeks – Mere Days <2 Days – Mere Hours <2 Hours – Mere Minutes And so on. Why is it called Expansion Theorem of Mere?

Because it was the word of the day on a website and it fits my reasoning behind “expanding” a sequence into the next category of Mere.

Alternative Naming of Expansion Theorem of Mere

My esteemed colleague Robin ‘RTO’ Oldham proposed this convention of Imperial Mere.

“The current situation is “11 days, 17h 00m 06s” left until i23, this translates to…
1) 1.67 weeks
2) 1 week, 4 days ( = 11 days )
Now, obviously this has troubled people for a long time, however I have a solution!
Metric and Imperial calling of MERE WEEKS, just like Yards/Inches and Metres/Centimetres (which also provides you with double the fun and anticipation).
1 = metric, 2 = imperial.
So currently, we are in METRIC MERE WEEKS, however, we are now well into IMPERIAL MERE DAYS.“

One Response to Expansion

1. merewizard says:

dum.

you say 1.5 bananas. you use singular only for exactly one thing, anything above or below that by any increment uses plural.